


We ain’t got no shame (only fear and brandy)

by AnathemaAuthoress



Category: Big Mouth (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon-Typical Sexuality, Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation, goading (from Maury of course), sleep overs, teen realistic orgasm speeds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 14:01:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16265690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnathemaAuthoress/pseuds/AnathemaAuthoress
Summary: Plagued by his inane desires, Matthew invites Jay over for a sleep over. Sort of.





	We ain’t got no shame (only fear and brandy)

_ God damn it. _ There was little Matthew despised more than a trite trope, paraded out with conviction as if to assert its rationality. An utterly uninspired heap of been there, done that. Not a lick of originality in the universe.

Yet there he stood, the very picture of a low budget lifetime flick about the struggles of being young and gay. Gag. And the producers didn’t even have the decency to cast Sissy Spacek as his woebegone mother. What a mess.

Of course, rambling comparisons to daytime flops were just Matthew’s way of defending himself against the very real, very shitty fact that he was crushing on–of all people–Jay Bilzerian.

He so wished he could blame it on first kiss rigamarole.  _ Everyone gets attached to their first, _ he’d tried to tell himself when he’d started watching Jay talk to his friends. Again when he’d thought about how good Jay’s butt looked when he bent over at the fountain. He’d thought it most abrasively of all when he’d caught himself laughing at one of Jay’s stupid jokes in class.

“Face it, my little honeydew, you got it bad,” drawled Maury, first thing in the morning no less. The monster had his furry elbow propped against a neighboring locker as he stared off in the same direction Matthew was staring.

Jay was pulling a series of ribbons from his nostrils and, lord help him, Matthew wasn’t completely repulsed. “I’ve ask you not to equate me to fruit,” he snapped at his hormone monster defensively. “And you need to get your meter checked, because you have clearly run out of change.”

“Who do you think you’re talking to, babe?” Maury grinned, unphased as the kid slammed his locker in defiance.

Matthew sighed. “Look, I know this is your job and all.” He waved his hand flippantly as he rolled his eyes. “But maybe you could lay off a little? My lack of sickness is making me sick enough as is.”

Maury clicked his tongue. “Come on, you’re usually such an easy charge. You have a healthy fap cycle, confident sexual interests. You’re well on your way to being my only non-humiliating graduate. But you’re all out of sorts. You gotta work this thing out. Invite him over, talk it out. French on the veranda. Eat your first ass, then when you think you’re done, dive back in for seconds! Then just when he thinks it’s over, fuck him! Fuck him hard!” At some point during his diatribe, Maury’s eyes had blown out and he’d hunched forward, claws curling with appropriately monstrous need.

“Uh, huh. That’s going to be a no from me,” Matthew replied, deadpan. Still he knew it was a lie to deny his budding feelings. It seemed there were some valuable nuggets in Maury’s horny rambling. Jay didn’t really respond to normal human interactions, but there was one way Matthew could get some sliver of what he wanted emotionally.

 

“A jack off party? Sounds rad! Who else is going?” Jay’s eyes were wide with excitement, though whether it was from the prospect of yanking it around a group of guys or just the joy of being invited without coaxing was unclear.

“Sort of thought it’d be an intimate get together.” Matthew exuded the closest thing to a purr he couldn’t muster.

“You want us to wear nightgowns?”

“What? No. Jesus. It’ll just be you and me.”

“Are you sure? Because my mom has this blue number that looks smokin’ on me,” Jay boasted without a hint of hesitation.

“The breadth of your circumstance is deeper than I ever imagined,” Matthew replied, baffled.

“Thanks!”

Again a sigh fizzled forth. “Just be there by eight. Tell your folks it’s a sleepover. Or don’t, I doubt they keep track.”

“They do not! I will see you then!”  _ Double damn _ . Even his enthusiasm was charming.

As it turned out, Jay was surprisingly prompt and rang the doorbell the minute the hands struck eight. It was possible he’d been lurking on the porch, counting down the seconds. Matthew couldn’t tell which of them was more desperate.

They made it as far as the kitchen before Jay slid a bottle out of a large paper bag. “I brought Cotton Candy Brandy!”

“Oh, lord. I thought your clothes were in there.”

“Uh, nah. My brothers snatched my pack on my way out. But they didn’t steal this!” Jay was so proud of himself, like a puppy that just learned how to fetch.

“It’s fine. You can probably borrow  _ something  _ of mine.”

“Sweet, so where do you keep your tumblers?”

“Ugh. A few drinks of that and you’ll be teetering on the precipice of a hallucinogenic wasteland, from which there is  _ no _ return.” Matthew snatched the fluorescent pink bear bottle and dropped it unceremoniously in the nearest trash can.

“Hey! I don’t know what you just said, but it sounds awesome. Let’s do it.”

“Oh, for god sa–no!” Matthew was already regretting his decision. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and took soothing breaths to avoid shredding the pockets off his Louis Vuitton jeans. After all, he liked them distressed, not mangled.

“Oh, um,” Jay stared blankly at the trash can, the poor slag was still three steps back in the conversation. “Then what are we gonna drink?”

“We’ve got San Pellegrino, apple juice, and Sprite.”

“Okay, question. Is that first thing alcoholic in any way?”

Matthew slid his hand to his hip. “It is not.”

“Sprite, please.”

Before too long they were both sitting on Matthew’s bed, cans of Sprite and a bag of Lays between them. The host was already rethinking the chips for fear of greasy fingers and salty oil breath, when Jay broke into the bag.

“It was really cool of you to invite me,” Jay said between mouthfuls of chips.

“Kiss him! Kiss his ravenous, original flavor mouth!” Maury jeered.

“Because I need this right now. Go away,” Matthew hissed under his breath.

“Wow, you have so much cool stuff. You have your own tv? Sweet! And wow, it’s like, so clean in here. You’re room smells like my grandmother’s peppermint drawer.”

Any other time the words would have drawn some sharp retort, and though Matthew was tempted, he was also oddly moved. “Thanks. I clean it every day.”

“Every day?” Jay asked in awe.

Matthew couldn’t help but chuckle. Somehow that laughter broke the icy tension that had hovered over them and it rained down like snow. For a while they talked, Jay shared details of his life that were somehow both pathetic and endearing, while Matthew taught his new friend the merits of musical theater, and he didn’t even feel like a cliche about it.

For a while, Maury was nowhere to be seen and they had the kind of night Matthew had been often denied after coming out. So few boys wanted to spend the night with a queer, even in these progressive times. His old temperament probably hadn’t helped.

But of course, the inevitable came to pass.

“So, it’s not that I’m not having fun. I am having so much fun. Like, maybe the most fun ever? But when are we going to get to the fapping part? ‘Cause I’ve had a stiffy, for like, an hour.”

Matthew experienced a sudden flood of heat in his face and their proximity side by side on the floor, controllers in hand and shoulders brushing, felt too close. “Oh, uh, whenever.”

“Finally,” growled Maury from the mattress behind them. “Time for a little  _ schilka schilka.” _

_ “ _ Awesome! So, uh, now?” Jay all but writhed in place and Matthew could clearly see the bulge in the other boy’s pants.

“Sure.” Matthew reluctantly shut down the game and turned to face his new companion, and soon to be fap buddy. “How should we–“

Jay already had his hand down his pants, knuckles tenting his pant line in rippled waves. He only stilled when he saw the look of shock on Matthew’s face. “Oh, my bad. Did you have, like, a plan?”

“Honestly? Not at all.” Matthew shrugged and gestured vaguely. “By all means.”

“Thanks! Oh, ohhh yeah.” Jay bit his lower lip and his hand started working like he was typing in the codes to stop a nuclear strike. Or the opposite. Whatever.

Matthew knew what was expected of him, but he felt uncharacteristically shy. Terrified to touch himself in present company. Or any company. He’d only lost his first kiss a short while ago. Wasn’t there protocol to these things?

But wasn’t he supposed to? Weren’t gay men known for promiscuous endeavors? Wasn’t this his destiny? So why so petrified?

“Just reach in there and give it a stroke. Doesn’t it look like fun? Look how hot he is. Just staring you down. Growling like a beast. He knows what’s good,” Maury whispered, his hot breath was inches from Matthew’s ear, urging him on.

He was hard as a rock, prick twitching with each throb of Jay’s fist, each erotic sound from his lips. But Matthew couldn’t do it. He was scared.

Scared of  _ what _ exactly he wasn’t sure. Humiliation, maybe. Vulnerability, perhaps. Desperation, seemed likely. He didn’t want to like Jay more. Didn’t want to share another piece of himself to watch it get stepped on. This was a stupid idea.

“Oh! Oh! Yeah! I’m. Fucking. Forty!” Jay screamed and shook, body trembling and appealing, despite his extremely strange sentiments. “Damn,” he panted. “That was hot.”

Matthew was inclined to agree but he could only nod. His fists were clenched against his knees, dick straining in his jeans.

“You, um, you didn’t finish. Or start,” Jay observed, self-consciousness seeping in. “Crap. Did I go too fast? ‘Cause of you give me, like, a minute I can totally go again.”

Matthew swallowed down a lump. “Impressive as that is, it is irrelevant. This is not your fault, Jay. It’s mine.”

“Oh! That’s a relief! Wait. What do you mean?”

Matthew stood shakily, wrapped his arms around his torso. “This was a mistake.” He didn’t mean for his voice to come out trembling, weak.

Jay stood too, not a fan of being towered over. He looked around confused. “I’m sorry. Did I screw something up?”

“No!” Matthew’s eyes snapped shut. He didn’t cry in Texas when he’d fallen off the bull at the county fair to the jeers of his bullies, he sure as Sarandon was not going to cry now! “You didn’t do anything, Jay. This was me. I tricked you. I tricked you into coming here because I wanted to spend time with you.”

“Whoa.”

“Yes. Whoa. I manipulated you because I knew you couldn’t resist an offer like this. Because, ironically, you are more comfortable spending time with the gay kid under the pretense of illicit teen masturbatory sessions than you would have been if I had just asked you over.”

“Wow. No one has ever lied to me just to spend time with me before. This is the best day ever!”

Matthew’s eyes opened and his shoulders slumped in exasperation. “What?”

“Yeah. I didn’t realize I was worthy of deception. I’m really moving up the food chain. Next stop, most popular magician in the world!”

“Slow your roll, mando wando. You seriously aren’t mad?”

“Why would I be mad? But, you know, if you didn’t want to fap with me, you didn’t have to lie. Why did you do that again?”

Heaving out frustration was becoming a regular part of Matthew’s vocabulary. “I didn’t think you’d want to come here if I just asked. I thought you would have assumed I was hitting on you. Again, ridiculous when one compares and contrasts, but here we are.”

Jay licked his lips in a gesture that was both alluring and looked almost thoughtful. “Are you hitting on me?”

“Oh, god!” Matthew threw up his hands, then instead of bringing them back down, dragged them through his hair. “No! But, yes. I’m not sure?”

“Whoa,” Jay repeated, this time his pupils were blown wide. “There is stuff you don’t know?”

Eyes rolled up toward heaven and arms relaced like a shield. “Shocking, I know.” 

“Wait, so, you like, like me?”

“I know. First mac and cheese cheetos and now this. What’s the world coming to?”

“I love those things.”

“Of course you do, sweetie. But that’s not on trial here.”

“You called me sweetie.” A dopey grin spread on Jay’s features. “You like me!”

“Oh, please, I was being dismissive.”

“I don’t know,” Jay drawled. “Sounded pretty legit to me.”

“So what if I like you? Does it matter? You’re straight aren’t you?”

“Yeah, definitely. Though I can see the benefit of guy on guy cushion action.”

Matthew’s lips trembled, caught on his own words. “There are so many things about you that a lifetime of study could not explain away.”

“What I mean is, I think I might like both? Boys and girls.”

“You mean bisexual?” Matthew let his arms go slack and be sank to sit on his bed as this new information settled in.

“Is that what bisexual means? Ohhh! This whole time I thought it meant you got horny for bikes.” Jay lowered himself so he was beside the other boy, but facing him, their knees just touching.

Matthew laughed. “Of course you thought that. No, Jay. It means you like both. There are other titles, probably ones that would suit you better, but this isn’t tumblr and I don’t have that kind of time.”

“Cool. So I’m bisexual. I think. So maybe I like you hitting on me? Or like, half like it?”

“You aren’t sure?”

Jay plucked at a loose thread on his jeans. “So what if I am?” 

_ Red alert, _ Matthew’s mind screeched,  _ he’s cute! He’s cute! _ “Damn it.” He leaned over then and pressed his lips firmly to Jay’s. They were just as soft as before, surprisingly plush and powerful when they kissed back, even though it was cold out now and they were slightly chapped.

He was surprised when Jay pushed him over, pinned him to the bed by his hands as Jay kissed him with more passion than he had that first night in the gym. Matthew’s whole body flashed hot at the sudden, abrasive pressure and he started to shiver. Then he gasped, harder than he might have expected. His hips rocked back and forth, tension popped like a rubber band. 

The gesture was rough and fast enough that it startled Jay to sit back, though his hands still idley constrained Matthew’s wrists. “Are you okay?”

Pink, embarrassed, but otherwise fine, Matthew nodded. “I’m sorry. You caught me off guard.” His eyes flitted downward, then up, then away, unsure where to settle his gaze.

“Holy shit. That was cumming. You came. Geez that is super hot!” At last Jay let go and bounced back to sit on his rump again.

Matthew propped himself up on his elbows. “Thank you? Um. So, where does this leave us?”

“Look, I probably have a bad habit of asking this of people, but do you want to go out with me?”

“Yes!” Shit. “I mean, we could try that. Are you sure you want to be my first boyfriend?” He was being hasty, sensically should have said no, but Matthew didn’t want to.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“Fair point. Alright. Agreed. From this moment on, until the contract is broken or redacted, we are officially boyfriends.”

“Awesome! Now, I don’t know about you, but I always get hungry after a good splooge. You got anything else to eat around here?”

“I can manage something.” Matthew imagined he’d be feeding Jay a lot now that they were together, but he didn’t mind so much. Whether this would play out well was yet to be seen, but for the time he was willing to enjoy the spontaneity as it came. Better a cheesy romance than a tragedy. But some adjustments would need to he made to Jay’s behavior if this was ever going to work. “Before I feed you though, I’m going to teach you the wonders of personal hygiene.”

Jay smiled in admiration. “Teach me your ways, oh minty one!” 

Matthew smiled in return. Yeah, this could be fun.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this didn't seem rushed (let's just call it teen enthusiasm), but this was meant to be a super short and ended up almost 3k so it had to wrap up sometime. 
> 
> Hi, fandom! I started a bunch of fanfic after season one premiered, but never finished it out of fear of them going to waste. Seeing how folks are coming alive, I figured I'd hop on the train. This one's new, but I can't wait to finish up and spam ya'll with what I started. Though of course, I'll be writing more Matthew/Jay too, since Matt is a delight to write for and season two was a blessing. 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments. <3


End file.
